Frankly, Michelle

Well, I came here thinking I needed to vent about how I’ve been a gym member for about a week and haven’t yet gone. Turns out, I did my last post on joining the gym only 3 days ago so now I don’t feel so bad. I’ve been in and collected my all access 24/7 tag, but as for actually exercising, NOPE! And will I? Likely, NOPE!

That leads me to FOCA. That’s what I call a Fear of Commitment and Appointments. Once I have to be somewhere at a particular time, or I’ve signed up to something that requires some kind of commitment, that’s it, game over. What the eff is that about? I want to be a person who goes to the gym. Yet, here I sit on a Saturday night, part of me super keen to get my gear on and go, and the other (larger) part of me, saying, nah stay home in your pj’s, you aren’t someone who exercises, you lost all that weight without exercise, do you really want to go to the gym with all those blokes, do you really want to go and walk on a treadmill or stuff about with weights, surely you can just go for a walk in the afternoons with Elsie on her bike and save yourself some $$?????

So here I am, contemplating how I need to cancel yet ANOTHER membership and then make up some reason as to why I’m cancelling when I have to go and drop off my little all access dongle. F.M.L. I know me. I don’t know why I continue to do this sort of thing. 

All I can say, is I am mental. I am always feeling like I need to make some major change in my life. In reality, life is pretty awesome. I’m under 80kgs, healthy and happy. Yeah my knees are stuffed, but aren’t all our knees stuffed once we hit our 40’s? Especially if we rode horses and played netball as a kid? 

So, I think I need to accept that I’m not a gym person. I never will be. And move on! 

On the plus side, most times I’ve had these events in my life I’ve been fat still. At least this time I’m thin and don’t actually need to be going to the gym. 

That makes me think about why the hell I signed up in the first place – which in all honesty, wasn’t to get fit or strong, it was do something for me, and just me. A place I could go, listen to music and be by myself. So I need to come up with something else for that. 

Writing here definitely helps. It’s for me, and it’s alone time. Although in the background my husband watches Netflix and I can hear KPop Demon Hunters on Elsie’s tablet. But you know, maybe that’s all I get for now. A few minutes when I need it to type how I’m feeling and get it all out. It does help. 

One day I will have so much time to myself and I will miss this so much. That’s what I need to focus on. And in the meantime, I need to just enjoy the alone times when they come. And tell Elsie that NO, I WILL SING IN THE CAR IF I WANT TO! 

Frankly, Michelle.